In Search of
by tori deathangel
Summary: Someone hates the life they lead now and wonders if there can be anything better
1. In Search Of The Dragon

Title: Dragon

Author: Tori Deathangel

Rating: G

Disclaimer: Fox, ME, Joss has it all, I could never claim that they were or ever will be mine. No finances are being exchange and this is made solely for entertainment purposes only  
  
She looks outward into the sky searching for something.  
  
Happiness  
  
Love  
  
Life  
  
She will not find it here on this corrupt little world bent on destroying one another.  
  
Again, her gaze is drawn heavenward and she feels the night air caressing, telling her to leave.  
  
She closes her eyes and in an instant she sees it all.  
  
A ship similar to that of a bird or prey and yet gives glowing emissions as like a firefly.  
  
A ship of Serenity.  
  
Serenity, she pondered for a brief second, another aspect missing in her life.  
  
Her visions continued on for what could have been minutes was just the smallest amount of seconds and then it was gone.  
  
Leaving behind glimpses of friends, family, companionship, love and happiness on a tiny boat called Serenity.  
  
Everything clears and her memory of what just occurred slowly wipes away, but she knows enough, that she is not happy here and if she ever hopes to be, she needs to be out there, somewhere.  
  
In the search of the Dragon.


	2. In Search of The Phoenix

Disclaimer: Fox, ME, Joss has it all, I could never claim that they were or ever will be mine. No finances are being exchange and this is made solely for entertainment purposes only  
  
Again he finds himself looking at the brothel from across the street as he sat perched upon his stool, sipping disinterestedly at his drink.  
  
Finally steeling up his nerve he left one seedy establishment for another, pausing just outside its doors.  
  
He feels like he's being watched, 'Gorramit' he was so damned careful not to attract attention this time.  
  
He looks calmly around to find his adversary.  
  
There a woman stares at him for some ungodly reason and then vanishes. He cocks his head to one side trying to figure what just happened.  
  
He chucks it up to the whiskey.  
  
Placing a hand onto the door, several thoughts race through his mind.  
  
The permanence of happiness and what comes with it.  
  
Sure, killing people and getting paid to do it makes him happy, but that's only short term.  
  
What he wanted, meant having to tear down walls he had built for himself, find a woman that would have a man such as himself and settle down.  
  
He closed his eyes knowing full well, that in the life that he leads, that things will never be the way he would one day would want them to be.  
  
He opened his eyes only to see the woman from earlier who had disappeared, but now standing in front of him, two inches away.  
  
She strokes the right side of his cheek in a loving way and then with the wind the apparition seemed to dissipate before his eyes, leaving him bewildered.  
  
He feels he may be ready for the bughouse and yet, could this be the sign of hope he was looking for.  
  
He closes his eyes again hoping the answer reappears and finds when he reopens them, there is nothing, but the feeling that someone is trying to get to him.  
  
Now more then ever he needs to know the answer to his questions.  
  
Who was that woman?  
  
And why does he feel drawn to her?  
  
He leaves to search for his Phoenix.


	3. Dragon Laying Down

Bizui, nin hen butitie hundan – shut up you incosiderate jerk!

Gou shi – dog shit

Dragon laying down

It's been awhile, downright quiet. Not a damned thing popping up that needed attending to. The fight circuit paid well, but was drying up on this rinky dink planet. There's more elsewhere, off world, just being able to go from place to place without buying your own ship or buying tickets to every event, seemed to much of a hassle.

She ran into this one guy who sold passage on his ship and there was an extra shuttle available for rent. Going that very evening to check it out, since Capt. Reynolds needed to be off world in a few hours time, she found it to be very satisfactory for her needs. There was no need for her to go to core planets and for some reason he wanted to avoid them and the areas she did need to go were either on planets he touched down at or did business in the sector of. She came back later that night with a small load of stuff to get underway.

"Not a whole lot of stuff." Mal noted.

"Like to carry light, never know what you'll run into."

"Well breakfast ain't for another 4 hours, Kaylee is making it."

"Kaylee?"

"That's our mechanic, you'll meet everyone then."

Zoe watched their new border walk off before approaching the Captain.

"I still don't think it's a good idea sir, having someone we don't know on board. Especially with us having two fugitives, what if she finds out?"

"Relax you, It's all shiny. Since the alliance dropped their names off the wanted list, their not likely to be seen as outlaws."

"That's what bothers me. Why all of a sudden did they stop chasing after them?"

"Will you stop worrying about it? What could go wrong?" Zoe rolled her eyes at the comment already bracing for the proverbial go gou shi to hit the fan.

The new renter looked around again, it defiantly looked better then that run down hobble she had been renting. She had a good feeling about this exchange, hell maybe its time to splurge and redecorate living quarters to taste. Even with the excitement she still managed to crash out in the little cot.

The dining facility was a mass of commotion, several voices all yammering on about one thing or another when she came in. Coffee being the top priority now.

Jayne looked at the stranger and then at Mal, motioned with his in her direction in an agitated way.

"Oh right, Crew, I want you to meet Miss Cara Fale." She looked up from her mug as those in there looked back. She took an open spot by the Captain and nursed the hot contents.

"Not hungry?"

"Of course she is." Kaylee plopped down a portion in front of Cara. She looked at the food and the woman sitting next to her and sighed then returned back to her coffee.

"Um, hi, I'm Kaylee. I do the"

"Yeah, I know, the mechanic."

She looked puzzled, she didn't remember running into her before.

Cara motioned to the Mal, "He told me."

"OOOOOOHHHHH. Sleep comfy then?"

It was way too early in the morning for this kind of cheerful, or this much talking, so she just awarded her with a snort.

Kaylee looked a bit sad that her new friend was not very talkative.

Mal took the hint and decided to spill the beans on their new guest so that she can stick to waking up.

"Cara here is in the fight circuit, she's renting the other shuttle so that she can get to more of the events."

Sudden realization flitted across Wash's face, "You mean, wait, your Cara Fale? Wow. Heard of you in the bet circuit." He continued on to his wife, "There was this one match"

"Hell, maybe be able to take down you little man, guys like me she don't stand a chance." He smirked at her with his boast.

'Jerk' She got up and filled the mug again, with the stuff that resembled more like mud then it did as caffeine and left.

"Bizui, nin hen butitie hundan!" Kaylee looked at the retreating form, Jayne could be, well, he could be just what she had just said sometimes. She pushed her food around somemore and got up to empty her plate and find Cara.

She found her on the walk overhanging the rear of the cargo hold.

"Sorry about that, Jayne isn't very polite or nice." Her comment got her a grin.

"So you fight?" Kaylee didn't know what else to ask or say, since Cara hasn't been really with the giving up of info.

Cara leaned back on the rail, "Ya know you're damn lucky I think you're ok or else I would have left ya talking to yourself on this walk." Kaylee shyed back. "Not you, I just don't do to well in the morning. Afternoon is more my speed. See ya then."

Kaylee was elated at finding out she didn't have anything against her. She went back to the previous deck so she can do some work on the engines.


	4. And It Went Down

AND IT WENT DOWN

"Yes Dad, I'll be home before curfew." Cara rolled her eyes at the way Mal was acting.

"Be sure you do and don't scratch the paint."

She prepped the engine to depart from Serenity, Mal reciting a few rules and this, that and the other about the shuttle, not just once and not even twice but five times, if he wasn't the captain he would have gotten decked. If he only was planetside and was doing this then it would put her in the right frame of mind. Arena fighting is all about the excitement, the fear, the anger. It pumps you up, sets you on fire and then causes you to explode on your opponent. That's how Cara felt now and there was no place to relieve the tension so she gunned the throttle opting for the openness of space even if its only for a few moments, to let herself run free.

"Alright people, now she's gone, let's do some crime." The crew gathered around to discuss the latest heist.

The shuttle bucked all over, she silently cursed herself for taking Mal so lightly. The ship smoothed out and there was sigh of relief. Spotting a good area to put down she headed that way, which happened to be by the companion's shuttle. She had set out earlier, actually she too couldn't get away fast enough from Mal. Those two constantly bickered like an old married couple. After disembarking she encountered flyers of the event she'll be at, her eyes growing wide at the purse available to the winners. Yes, winners, as in more then one, as in first, second all the way down to fifth placing individuals. This was a huge match with all kinds of fighters coming in from all over, some that she's fought before. She gulped a bit when she saw some of the mass of bulk that was confirming their spots for the tourney.

-

Badger gave them an easy heist. Mal thought on that, 'Since when does anything we do go smooth?' Power cells, outlawed units because of their potential on weapons. Picking them up was smooth enough, dropping them off however may not be as easy. New Kasmir, the same city where Inara and Cara were, he hoped that a good deal of people and security was driven off towards the fights. Perhaps maybe this once, luck might shine upon them.

-

Cara tried to tape up her ribs as best as she can considering, that last fight had been a bloodshed, and it was a damned miracle that she made it this far. Considering her rivals were a lot stronger then her, but slow and kind of dense. That was the one advantage that she had and she made full use of it. If she quit now, she wouldn't even get fifth place and all this pain and suffering would have been for nothing. There was some scowls and clashing going on in the observation area, there was also some friendly chatting. Chatting with the others is always a mistake in venues like this. This could lead to development of feelings for the person your fighting against. In the arena it could cost you, thus she kept to herself.

She'll at least be walking away with some side bets that she placed, but it was not enough to walk away with now. No, this has to be seen through, well, enough to at least place third.

-

Grissbaum was delighted with Inara. What delighted him even more is that she agreed to attend the tournament with him. His prize fighter was there and he wanted to oversee that, but he also did not want to miss anytime with the companion. He was quite dismayed when an aide of his interrupted him, of that, Inara noted.

"I will only be a few moments, my dear." He gracefully lifted her hand to his lips and lightly kissed it.

Inara didn't know what to make of the man, the pickings had been slim this time around and she had to go somewhere where Mal wasn't. She followed discreetly behind and frowned when of all people she was trying to escape from, he shows up.

-

"Any problems?"

Jayne set down the large box. The room was decorated with ancient artifacts and weapons. James Grissbaum was the owner of the arena so it was quite natural that he would display weapons of combat in his office.

"It seems they were quite anxious to get rid of these, so if you pay us we'll be on our way."

Grissbaum studied the box and undid the latches, "Do you want to see what I wanted this for?"

"Not necessarily. More in the grabbing and dropping off and being paid then wanting to know the what's." _Shit this guy is going to pull a fast one_. He looked at Zoe and Jayne to get the message across to be at the ready.

Grissbaum walked over to a metal suit of armor and inserted the cell bringing it to life, causing it to hum through the room and placed himself inside the contraption, sealing it up after his entry. The aide by his side fussing over the finger prints getting in the view of his master, Grissbaum took his arm and swatted at him like an insignificant fly, flinging him across the room so strongly that he stuck into the wall half in and out of the adjoining room. Inara let out a silent cry and ran backwards towards the arena, she had to warn Cara.

"Right, about being paid?" Mal noted with a bit caution, fearing what he knew what would come next. Nothing ever goes smooth. The crew was being advanced on and they drew out their weapons and opened fire. Nothing. The ammo didn't even penetrate.

"You scratched it! Do you know how much money this cost me!" Grissbaum swung his arm high at the trio but it froze momentarily giving them leeway to get the hell out of there. They were soon cut off by his minions, however. The goons were not wearing protective armor like their boss, as they soon found out when their blood adorned the walls next to their boss' weapons.

-

Inara got to the balcony and tried to yell at her to alert her that there was a problem. Cara looked upward to see her frantically waving, but that cost her and she got nailed. Grissbaum's goons got to Inara and tried to pull her back away from the edge, she struggled against them and one took out a knife and threatened to slash her. Mal arrived in time to shoot them both, one toppled off the balcony and onto Cara's opponent, sending the crowd scurrying for the exits.

Cara didn't look to well, she wore deep colored bruises and her arm looked broken. She gazed up in relief at her sudden savior, glad to have the match over with. Relaxing on the floor, she tried to regain her strength. She was startled when her adversary began to move under the body and struggled to his feet, raising the corpse above his head. Mal took a shot at the man, but all his pistol did was click alerting him that he was out of ammo. He looked around helplessly, trying to figure out anything he could do for her.

The wall behind her enemy exploded burying him under a mound of rubble.

Grissbaum looked at his fighter lying underneath all that shit, "You're going to pay for that you little bitch! He was the best I had!"

Somehow she had managed to get upright by bracing herself against the arena walls. Breathing raggedly, she hoped her death would be quick.

"C'mon!"

She looked around and heard it again. Inara had managed to open the door out, but it was clear on the other side and she was limp, there was no way she'd make it in time. "Go! Get out of here!" The loss of blood already taking her to the brink of passing out, at least now she won't feel it when she's sent into the next incarnation.

Mal hadn't even noticed that Inara had left his side, but now she stood with Cara in harms way, with that monster down there. He flung a nearby beer bottle at him causing him to turn around. "Hey remember me?" This distracted Grissbaum from Cara and Inara.

Jayne looked over to his leader, "Are ya nuts?"

Inara ran out to Cara to help her get out of there and the thing swung around on them. Mal gauged how far it was to the floor below and leapt over the side landing briefly on the rubble and rolling down off of it, he just busted his Gorram ankle. Why is it where Inara was concerned he never thought clearly?

Zoe and Jayne looked down and than raced back towards the exit below to see if they could help him out any.

"Mal!" Cara regained consciousness enough to note what was going on.

"Weapons."

"Guns, can't punch through."

"I know... gloated... collection. Take me there." Her breathing came out in pants, blood had poured from wounds on her head and other key areas. Zoe and Jayne showed up in time to take her from Inara's hands. Zoe pushed past to see if she could be an assist to her Captain.

Jayne lugging Cara along with him, "No.. no. Got to go this way."

"Ya sure? I don't think that's the way out."

"Go." He didn't like it, but he went. There was no gorram way he could have lost his bearings that much to throw him like that. He followed her directions, ending up at Grissbaum's office.

"What the hell we here for?" She silently grabbed something off one of the walls and started hobbling back out and then decided against going any further. Precious minutes were going by, she handed the weapon off to Jayne.

"Go. Give it to Mal."

Jayne didn't know what to make of it, not even sure of leaving her here, but she seemed like she was sure of this. He made it to the balcony from before and yelled out to Mal, tossing the weapon down to him. Mal powered it on and situated the other end on the armor. Grissbaum howled in pain. Electric currents ran through him, not only stopping the defensive skin, but effectively killing him as well.

-

Cara woke up in the infirmary, not rightly sure if she was alive or dead.

"How are you feeling?"

She squinted up to the doc, "Light."

He went to the controls and lowered the setting and returned to her bedside. "How's that?"

"Better." She tried to move, but he gently pushed her back.

"You suffered quite a bit of trauma, you shouldn't move anywhere for a long time."

"Got to pee." He left just to go a foot away and returned with something in his hand.

She looked at him, "You got to be kidding. I am not going in that."

"I see your still with us."

Cara looked up to see Zoe at the doorway, "Ah my present savior, give me a hand to the can."

Zoe snickered at her, she too had a dislike for that damn bedpan that Simon was fond of tossing at his patients. By the time she got out of there, the word had spread across the ship and soon she had an audience waiting for her in the waiting area. Instead of going back into the infirmary she crumpled into one of the overstuffed chairs, cringing a bit of the feel of her ribs. Pleased to see that everyone was accounted for, "I take it that the weapon I gave Jayne worked?"

"Turned him extra crispy."

She slightly smiled, the effort hard on her since pain was everywhere.

"How'd you know that it wasn't shielded?"

"He took me to his office, showed me his stockpile, told me stuff. Stupid of him to mention that the suits were susceptible to electric currents essentially making them into microwaves. He also said that everything was functional except that suit, which makes me wonder how he managed to do that."

Mal looked sheepish, "A story for another time. Now you got to get some bed rest." Simon tugged her back into the room so she could do just that.

"Can't I just go back to my shuttle."

"I don't think that's wise in your current state, the less movement the better."

Cara looked unhappily at the bed, sure her shuttle wasn't exactly comfy either, but it was private and the bathroom was closer.

Simon relented, "C'mon I'll help you there, but you have to promise me, no moving around."

"I swear."

He helped her there and told her not to leave it, he'll send someone up with food and he'll check up on her every so often. She felt relieved to be rid of him and everyone else for awhile, the weight of the events from before flashing back at her. She saw the package on her cot and picked it up along with the note.

_Cara,_

_I think Mal has been a bad influence, but I managed to snag_

_This from the box office._

_Love,_

_Inara_

There was enough for the second place prize, which was more then she had been going to place at the time.


	5. Fractures

Thanks again to my wonderful beta, Wen, love ya babe! What can I say it's been my most productive week yet, being stuck at the parentals for a week with out a solid connection to the world of binary, except for 5 minutes that I steal here and there.

Fractures

"You know how I feel about you being in harms way," Mal said as he trailed after the departing Inara who had been unsuccessful at avoiding him.

"Mal, may I remind you who supplied Grissbaum with what he needed to kill us all."

"That's so not fair, we..." Mal tried to protest, but Inara cut him off before he could finish his side of the argument, leaving him standing on the catwalk with his mouth agape slightly.

"Actually things always backfire when you commit a crime. Maybe it's time to look into a new profession."

"What like you? Whoring yourself out and fucking anyone who can afford your rates, criminal or not? Well hell, in that case maybe you and I should get it on."

In response he received a slap. A slap he well deserved. She hadn't deserved to be spoken to in that manner. "I'm sorry...I," he instantly regretted the words even as they flew from his mouth.

Inara held her hands up in protest, "No Mal, this, this is a shining example of why I should leave, why I'm going to leave."

"I..."

"No, bi zui. You are the most baffling man. One minute you're calling me a whore, the next your shish-kabobbing my clients."

"Just that one time."

"And contracting them."

"How was I supposed to know you and he were, I mean ..."

"I can't even see what I ever saw in you."

"If I had known that you two," he looked up sudden realization latching on to him like a rope thrown to a drowning man. "Did you just say...."

Inara had prepared long ago for this backpedal. She knew that when he got her angry, she would eventually screw up.

"When I rented this shuttle I thought that you would respect me and what I do, but all you have done is degrade me, devalue me." She couldn't let him know how she felt, not now. It would mean changing, everything.

He stepped closer. He knew what he had just heard and what Inara really meant, but he also knew that she was right about how he treated her. He grasped her arms and brought her close, mere centimeters away from his lips. This was the moment of decision – the time to tell her that the reason he didn't want her to be screwing some other person was that he really wanted her by his side. It was that or push her away for good, for her own sake.

The moment seemed to hover in the air. Lips seemingly coming closer. A kiss. A start. The beginning and an end. Her perfume wafted through his nasal passages while he savored the feel of her silk dress on his hands. The bounce to the curls of her hair and the shine in her eyes were the things he knew he could only take to his dreams. However this no dream, the moment was real, the both of them were real, it was all so real. Too real for him. Something, some where, some how would come and take it away from him. This is not something he could have.

He walked away from her, towards his cabin. What could he ever offer to her? She was a refined woman. He was a wanted man. A thief. What kind of future could they have? Why would he want to be that cruel of a bastard to make her give up her life of honest work for following him around the 'Verse. No, there was no way he was going to drag her into this. His hand jammed on the keypad inside his bunk as he told it to lock the hatch. He couldn't involve her anymore then she already was.

He was there. Right there and a few moments ago it all seemed shiny and now it was nothing more then ash to him. He glanced at his image in the mirror, an image he now abhorred. It's going wrong. Everything. Preachers, fugitives, reavers, botched jobs and love. The one thing in all the 'Verse that can bring a man down to his knees, turn him around and make him look at things differently. His fist launched at the glass and connected, shattering it. Shards spattered while blood flew everywhere, just like his life. He stared at the image left behind all fractured, missing key elements and blood.

-

Inara ran into her shuttle with tears stinging her eyes, only her pride and training keeping her from shedding them before she got to the sanctuary of her home. For the briefest of seconds it all came together and apart in so many different ways, changing, revolving, becoming, until it all stopped at this moment. Fear of leaving her trade and the sisterhood, the fear of a future with Mal, another without him, children, growing old, dying young. These were the thoughts that had raced through her mind in the space of time since she and Mal had stood together in the cargo hold. Parts of her rallied for release from the torment that she created within herself. Fears, dreams, hopes, nightmares, all cascaded upon her and now led to her real path. Mal had closed the door on their future and still her future was just as uncertain. The only difference was that now she felt that there was never meant to be a future in which she stood beside him; moreover, now that future could not include him at all.

She stared at the nicely decorated walls remembering the way they looked when she first arrived on this ship only now she feels as though they are closing in on her, mocking her with reminders of who she is and what she can never be. Looking down at herself, she sees her clothes as a symbol of the things that bind her to her profession and future; she was now trapped on a path that she doubted she really wanted to follow.

Turning to face the mirror, she stared at her reflection, another reminder of who and what she is. She must make a choice - stay or go. To torment herself with the cruel reality of what she can never have or to move on and be who she has trained to be. Thoughts of the future and the present racing through her head, she considered her options. She hated to part from her friends, but she didn't know if she could stand to constantly see Mal and always wonder what could have been?


End file.
